How to Stay Positive When Trying to Conceive

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a discouraged woman holding her face and a pregnancy test - how to stay positive when trying to conceive

If you’re looking for advice on how to stay positive when trying to conceive, you are far from alone. While it may be taking longer than you expected, you aren’t wrong for feeling down, nervous, or less-than-optimistic. 

It can be really hard to stay positive when trying to conceive, especially if you’ve tried for a long time, if you’ve integrated all of the tips and tricks you can get your hands on, and if you suspect that you may have a bigger issue at hand. 

Ironic as it may sound, getting pregnant can be lonely. Sure you may be doing the baby dance with your partner on a regular basis, but the longer it takes to work, the more that BD can feel like a chore. Which is the last thing you need in your relationship. And regardless of your frequent meet-ups in bed, loneliness can stem from a lack of understanding from your friends and family. 


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How to stay positive when trying to conceive

Maintaining a positive state of mind is a crucial piece of getting pregnant, whether naturally or with fertility assistance. Your mindset is everything, but it is understandably one of the more challenging things to manage. Particularly when you see negative, after negative, after negative.

Here are some ways you can maintain positivity while TTC:

Keep it romantic

As mentioned, many couples trying to conceive run into the issue of sex becoming more of a chore than a natural part of their relationship. If your sexual encounters are solely focused on your ovulation schedule and fertile window, it may be time to take a step back and reassess your focus.

Not only does this not help you get pregnant, but it does nothing good for your relationship. It can create tension, animosity, frustration, shame, and even a decreased libido. Gone is the passion, and what’s left is routine. This can carry over into other aspects of your relationship.

Think about it: if you were treated as a means to getting pregnant and the only time your partner wanted to be intimate with you was when it was the “right” time of month, rather than it being a natural occurrence, you may not have much interest or be very engaged. That all-important piece – that connection – may dwindle. 

If this is you, have a conversation with your partner about how your TTC is affecting your intimacy and relationship. This way, you can be on the same page and both put in the efforts you need to maintain the romance and connectivity. Plan dates, be spontaneous, and let your nights take you where they will. If you need to, take a break from the tracking.

Stay healthy, be active, and rest

Many men and women don’t take their health seriously until they are in the throes of trying to get pregnant. Maintaining a healthy diet, exercising, and getting proper rest (at least seven to eight hours a night) will serve as natural fertility boosters. 

A lack of sleep, a poor diet, and inactivity are natural stress triggers. Get ahead of these inhibitors by taking care of yourself!

Don’t be afraid to talk about it

If you are struggling to conceive for any reason, talking about it can truly help you process and think positively. The truth is that 1 in 6 people are affected by infertility globally. So when you hear people say “you aren’t alone,” find comfort in that. While these statistics may not solve the problem, they can serve as a starting point in getting the advice and support you may need. For all you know, a close girlfriend of yours may be going through her own difficult journey. Commiserate – it’ll be like an elephant off your chest.

Additionally, talking with other women who are trying to conceive is a nice way to exchange feedback and advice in terms of what not to do when trying to get pregnant

Joint a support group

To conquer the inevitable isolating feeling of TTC and infertility, join a support group specifically designed for people seeking answers to the same question: how to stay positive when trying to conceive.

Support groups can introduce you to individuals and couples who just GET IT. People who don’t need to hear your entire back story or an explanation about why you’re feeling the frustrations, sadness, and stress that this journey can bring upon you. Talking to people who have gone through or are currently going through the same thing can be freeing, insightful, and motivating.

When we first started our fertility journey, one of my favorite outlets for support was the Peanut App. This is first and foremost because my first round of IVF and the following pregnancy were during the height of the pandemic, so options were obviously limited. But also because I can admittedly be a little bit reclusive and introverted (again, thanks COVID), so it was a nice way for me to meet people on my own terms.

Anyway, Peanut App is literally made for women navigating fertility, pregnancy, motherhood and menopause. It’s like Bumble with a twist. I met a few women, both local and international, who were going through the exact same MFI diagnosis that my husband and I were experiencing. And now, all of us have IVF babies around the same age. 

Spend time reading stories and conversations

Another great way to get real-life insight from others is by browsing forums and message boards like What to Expect, BabyCenter and The Bump. I cannot tell you how much time I spent on websites like these through my entire TTC and fertility journey, looking for relatable stories that could help me mentally. This is particularly so when we got our Azoospermia diagnosis, because I was looking for support in an area that not a lot of people have experienced. Real-life stories, especially success stories, can really impact your positivity.

Get professional help

It is absolutely crucial to prioritize your mental health at all phases of life, and this sensitive time in your life is no different. When you’re not sure how to stay positive when trying to conceive, look to a professional. That’s what they’re there for. Support groups aren’t for everyone, and forums may not provide enough. And that’s ok.

Fertility issues can cause anxiety, depression, panic attacks and more. If you are struggling to cope on your own, a fertility therapist – or a more generalized therapist – can give you tools to help navigate. Online platforms like BetterHelp and Talkspace are a great place to start!

Practice self care

PSA to all mamas and mamas-to-be: self care should be a normal part of your everyday life! I’m the first to know that this is easier said than done, but I will say it anyway!

At the end of the day, it truly doesn’t matter what self care looks like to you, as long as it makes you happy. Whether that’s getting a manicure, grabbing a coffee at your favorite cafe, or hitting up the movie theater alone. Self care is the best care, with its sole purpose of making you feel good. The better you feel, and the more you care for yourself, the less the stresses of getting pregnant will weigh on you with regularity. Positivity for the win!

There are just a few tips for how to stay positive while trying to conceive. Some will work, and some may not – we all navigate difficult times differently! What you should focus on is what you know will keep you sane, positive, and happy.


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